Resourceful-Mom

Thank God for 2nd Chances

My biggest regret about having my daughter at 18 has been all the special moments I missed. I was so consumed with mastering the breadwinner part, I allowed  my mom to handle the mothering part.  With everything and nothing being a priority, I always felt rushed as I ran from a company function to a school event.

By the time I realized how much I’d missed, my daughter was a senior in high school, my mom was in a nursing home as a result of a stroke and I wasn’t sure if what I worked for was worth the sacrifice.  In the mist of my frantically trying to buy some time, I watched my daughter graduate and my mother pass away.  These “endings” happened within a month or so of each other; however, in retrospect, my missed opportunities spanned over my lifetime.

I’d worked long hours to provide for my daughter and to assist my mother.  My dad passed when I was 13 so if I know anything, I know how to work.  I had no questions about the number of hours I’d work per day until my daughter transitioned to college life and my mother transitioned to a better life.  It was very hard to accept that the two people I did everything for, in essence, needed nothing.

The internet is chocked full of parenting advice; however, I believe the best way to do this motherhood thing is to look at how the choices you make today will inevitably affect you and your family tomorrow.  Sometimes no matter how much you try to steer things in one direction, they still get off course.  That’s called life and that’s OK.

The purpose for this post? On January 11th, I witnessed my grandson’s entry into the world and I was amazed.  I was amazed at how a crying 5lb 7oz 17 inch baby boy could, in a matter of seconds, command the full attention of a room full of chattering medical professionals. I’m amazed that he went from what I’d perceive to be a muffled environment to a life in high definition and instinctively knew to express his discomfort with the situation.

Sound like this is my first experience, huh?  Well, actually it is.  I’ve lived a little and I’ve learned a little.  Looking at this from an experience standpoint makes this experience unlike any other.  I’ve taken the week off from work to make sure mom and baby are situated.  I also plan to be more present than I was as a young mom.   When my daughter is drowning in a sea of wants, I plan to whisper in her ear how important spending time with her child is and, like my mom, I plan to fill in whatever gaps I can.

I thank God for the wrong choices no matter how painful the lesson but more than anything I thank God for 2nd chances.