Resourceful-Mom

Single Moms – Are you independent to a fault?

Trust me, I get it.  You know how to buy a car, a house and, while working on your degree, you help the kids with their homework and hold down a full-time job.  You know when to get your oil changed, you can fix a toilet and you can take out the trash.  Bugs don’t terrify you as much as they once did (as a result of taking out the trash – yuck!), you now know what HTML stands for and if the cost of cheer camp registration means that you can’t buy anything for yourself this pay period, so be it.

You didn’t always start out this self sufficient.  You may have even thrown a few temper tantrums  until you realized that no one was coming to save you.  Bottom line, whenever you were stuck, you had to learn to open your mouth and ask for help.  And, it didn’t particularly matter from whom you got your answers (excluding that axe murder looking guy ).  The guy at work, the guy at Home Depot and that chick that teaches how to create a website all participated in the confidence you display today.

You had to learn how to do things on your own because there was no one else around to help you.  Why no one else was around and how you played a part in that isn’t my concern.  In all actuality, it doesn’t matter.  What does matter is that you understand that there is nothing wrong with being independent, just recognize that you are independent not necessarily because you chose to be.  You are an independent woman because you have children that are depending on you to figure it out (whatever it is).  You are an independent woman as a result of being a single mom.

Unintentionally, you and I can give the impression that we choose to do EVERYTHING on our own and that we can do EVERYTHING better than any one else.  But that’s not true.  We’d like help. In the background, our superhero theme song “I’m a survivor” by Destiny’s Child is playing while we’re humming Beyonce’s “Put a ring on it”.  Notice there’s little independence in her music now that’s she’s married, hmmmmmm.

I just wanted to tap you on the shoulder and say “You go, gurl!”, just in case you hadn’t heard it lately.  You should be proud of yourself.  Continue to learn and grow through whatever life throws your way.  Just don’t forget that you can do all these things because you’ve had to….not because you’ve wanted to.

While going about your life paving the road to your goals and dreams, make a quick list of the things that you would expect your husband to handle when you get married.  You know, the things you do because you have to do.  Keep this list near by and, while dating, look for ways to allow the man in your life to take some of these things off of your hands.  It will serve as good practice for when you meet your potential husband.  If you don’t practice allowing someone to help you, you will unknowingly push a man away.

A confident man, understanding of your past, will not be intimidated by you.  But, he also won’t take kindly to you saying “I did all this before I met you” every time assistance is offered.  Know what you are fighting for and only fight for the stuff you want.  Lower the volume on the superhero theme song and just be proud knowing that when the chips were down, you delivered.